Book Review: Small Crimes

Yesterday I went on an adventure. I peeled myself away from my paranormal romance novel and decided to try some criminal fiction. Why? Someone recommended a book and well... I'll try everything once. The book is Small Crimes by Dave Zeltserman and while i have to admit i was frustrated most of the book, to me this is definitely a winner. The book is an unassuming two hundred and something pages and if I dont love this book  I still like it...a lot.

The book is written in the first person from the perspective of a corrupt cop and newly released felon Joe Denton. Joe is a psycho from small town Bradley, Vermont who after making many bad decisions or as his father suspects, as a cause for his narcissistic personality disorder, ended up in jail for seven years. The crime? Stabbing local District Attorney Phil Coakley in the face thirty times after getting caught burning evidence in Phil's office. I'm sick in the head so I chuckled for a few seconds before I continued reading.

Because this is the typical small town from a horror movie everyone HAS to be corrupt along with Joe. Thus, the sheriff, ironically named Dan Pleasant is also corrupt along with half of the police force. When Joe comes out Dan immediately contacts him because he wants to meet up. By this point three people had already told Joe to leave town including the disfigured Phil Coakley. I was starting to think the problems would start because Joe refuses to get out of town.

Dan demands that Joe kill Phil or mafia boss Manny Vassey who is dying of cancer in the local hospital. Why? because still evil Manny has turned to God due to Phil visiting him in the hospital every day and reading him the bible hoping to guilt him into a confession that will put Joe and Dan away for 20 years or more. Joe refuses to believe Manny has turned into a fearful coward and decides to go visit him at the hospital. Dan gives him three days to choose who is going to get rid off.

Joe confirms that Manny has turned to God and hopes to get a deal from Phil to leave his psycho son Manny Jr. away from the business of drugs and prostitution. However, Junior does not believe his father is a "rat" after Joe tells him to transfer Sr. to another hospital so that Phil won't get into his head. This is the part where I start feeling frustrated because Joe either kill someone or get out of town! But no, he just keeps avoiding the issue and blaming his problems on someone else.  So he befriends a psycho nurse who used to kill people with Morphine and decides that although she's a killer, they have a connection. He tries to blackmail her but he likes her so he tells her to forget it. Another opportunity missed so Dan comes a-knocking. After getting hit in the face numerous times Joe tells Dan he already got someone to kill Manny and to give him until the next day. Dan agrees but warns Joe that if he doesn't deliver he will go to plan B. Of course, Plan B is killing Joe so I'm already chanting Plan B, Plan B, Plan B. It doesn't happen and Joe find out that Phil is sleeping with an 18 year old stripper named Susie who works at the local bar, Kelley's. This bar has illegally fully nude strippers and cocaine. Joe used to be a cocaine addict back in the days so he partakes but then freaks out because he wants to become a better man. That's a load of crap but whatever. Joe leaves the bar and tells Dan Phil is sleeping with Susie and that maybe they can blackmail Phil into letting things go. Joe mentions for the reader how he feels bad because he messed up Phil's face, which now looks like a game of tic-tac-toe, so he really doesn't want to do him any more harm. Dan tells Susie's muscled psycho boyfriend and he shoots Susie dead and shoots Phil in the arm. At this point I'm laughing in disbelief. Joe,man, you really can't catch a break. Joe feels bad in his I-know-I-should-feel-bad-and-I-try-to-feel-bad-but-I'm-a-psychopath way and confronts Dan who tells him it was his fault and he should've killed Phil.

Joe tries to convince Manny to not tell Phil about Dan and his other crimes. Manny refuses because he's scared he will go to hell. Joe tries to think of what to do while trying to find out where his daughters are. His parents tell him they don't know where his ex wife went and he should just leave them alone or he will hurt his daughters. Joe gets mad and finds out from Dan, Elaine and his two daughters live in Albany. He tracks them down and Elaine tells him she never wants to see him again. Joe gets mad but goes back to Bradley County. Everyone still hates him and keep telling him to get out of town. Joe ignores them and goes to the bar where he sees a sweet young thing in glasses who convinces him to go out with her for a ride. They stop the car and as they are making out he realizes she's the daughter of Phil Coakley, Clara. Clara pretends that he is raping her and two guys from her high school conveniently arrive at the scene and try to beat up Joe. Clara rakes at Joe's face and starts ripping her shirt to make it look like rape and Joe breaks one of the guy's arms and knocks the other one unconscious. Fights like a maniac? CHECK.

Phil concedes that his daughter was trying to make it look like rape and reluctantly releases Joe who refused to press charges. Dan meets up with Joe again and tells him he should blackmail Phil by threatening to press charges against his daughter but Joe refuses. Joe leaves with another threat and beating from Dan and makes a horrendous mistake. He goes to the news station and brings them along to film Manny Jr's Meth lab and other nefarious activities. Joe stupidly goes on television for an interview. Manny Jr. kidnaps Dan along with two of his henchmen but a guy named Ferguson shoots both henchmen and tries to kill Joe who he suspects beat his brother, Billy Ferguson, to death.  Ferguson gets shot by Jr. and dies with a whispered "Fuck you" for Joe. Joe tries to walk back to town but gets kidnapped by Dan who takes him to a  cabin and ties him to a stove. Joe tells Dan that he doesn't have to worry as Manny Sr. won't talk now that Jr. is implicated in all of these crimes. Dan tells Joe this won't matter to Sr. and Joe admits to himself that what he did was very stupid. I agree Joe.

Finally, Dan tells Joe that he will be going to Plan B and that if all turns out well Joe can just leave town tomorrow and never come back. Joe should have left a long time ago. The next morning Joe is freed by Dan and learns that Sr. died from respiratory failure A.K.A Morphine overdose from Nurse Ratchet. But that's not all, Jr. kidnapped the nurse after learning she killed his dad and hacked her to pieces in his hack people to pieces lab. Joe curses Dan for letting his lady love die at the hands of sadistic Jr. who got shot dead by Dan after killing the nurse. Dan already knew Jr. kidnapped her and just waited to make sure Jr. killed her before killing him. Joe feels bad...for about 5 nanoseconds and then drops by his parents house to grab some stuff for his daughters before heading to Albany. There is seemingly no one at home but while Joe is packing his stuff his dad comes in and tells him he's not welcome in his house. Joe says he's just getting some stuff for the girls and his dad shoots him in the stomach. He doesn't want Joe to hurt his granddaughters and as Joe is dying he tells the audience he understands why his father did it. Joe tells his father to give him the gun and shoots himself in the same spot his father shot him so his father won't go to jail. In the end Joe is still a psycho killer so he doesn't see the light instead he sees a flaming fire. I laughed at the end but I was still conflicted. I wanted him to get out of town but at the same time he is just so detached and he says crazy things so nonchalantly that I am glad he died. He thinks things like If Phil had died instead of just being disfigured he would have been better off since the town wouldn't be reminded everyday of the crime he had committed. Not to mention he pointed a gun at his daughters while he was high on cocaine back in the day because he wanted them to shut up while he made a call to his bookie. The genius of Joe is that even though he does all of this and even though he knows how he affects other people (telling Dan about Susie knowing that he would tell her psycho boyfriend) he still thinks he is trying to be a good guy. He lies to himself so completely that I and most readers would believe him and sympathize with him while at the same time wishing his death.

One complaint: really? this is his death? two gun shots to the stomach? really? Come on! For that he should just have performed Hara-kiri on himself.

Bottom line:  Joe is like Dexter on steroids.